oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
