Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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