Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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