yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
