we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
