I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
