and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and she was petting her beer can
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
