my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we're making bets on your personal life
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
