We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
