That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
