At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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