Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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