people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
