You can't special order awesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
