so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
