Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
