This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
