I have demons in me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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