In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
