i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
