Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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