The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
