I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
