We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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