New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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