she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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