I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
