Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
