We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
