Me. At least after what I've been through.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
