If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
