I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
