Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
