You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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