God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
