i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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