I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
