I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
