I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think my fart just growled at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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