she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
