can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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