the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
