So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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