You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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