i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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