Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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