People in love make me want to vomit
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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