WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
