I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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