Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
