just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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