I think im going to throw up on grandma
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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