We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
